My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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