wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
