Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
