I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
