he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
