God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
