Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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