It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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