I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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