Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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