The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
