Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
