forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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