look no pants
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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