She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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