the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
