My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
