I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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