The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
