A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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