no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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