Your mouth is God's brothel.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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