peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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