I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
