just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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