is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sext me about skeletons
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
