and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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