Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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