yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
