It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
