the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
