The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize