I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
