someone get that fucking seahorse.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
