the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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