Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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