Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
