The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
