Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
