Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
