She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize