so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
MIDGETS
????
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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