Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
