my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize