his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
