Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
