the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
