he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I touched a dick in church today
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
