just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i came on her dog
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
