Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
