I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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