What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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