You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
