nut hugger
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
