so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Oh god it's open bar.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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