I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
