This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize