if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
