She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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