my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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