I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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