babies were throwing up all over the place
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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