you mean i was at the winter classic?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
