I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
40s are totally the cure
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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