wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
